Desperation is a dirty word
Friends don’t let friends be desperate. No one likes the desperate dude so I think we should do the run down of desperate behavior so you know the warning signs. Have a dried herring ready so you can slap that desperate smirk off of your desperate friends face.
1. Desperate friends are constantly bemoaning the fact that they don’t get laid. Ok we get it, man it is supply and demand, there is only so much action to be had out there. Truth be told the only people who get some with regular fashion are guys with no scruples or guys in a relationship. That is just the way it is.
2. Desperate friends spend a lot of time blogging. Goddammit….
3. Desperate friends are never called “the chef” … that’s right bitches, take that!
4. Desperate friends make plans all the time, sometimes it is a matter of setting up FaceBook parties where you are the only person RSVPing, or sending out E-mails asking if people would want to be in a Spec Heineken Commercial and they don’t reply … ok that second one isn’t desperate, but the first one is.
5. Desperate friends offer to buy “the ladies” drinks, and when they say “the ladies” they aren’t doing it in an ironic ‘80s porn star fashion.
6. Desperate friends invite you over for baked goods at 2AM in the morning when all you want is a hotdog, curly fries, and a slice of pizza, in that order.
7. Desperate friends ask you to get together “a posse” some “dames” some “chicks” a “couple of birds” some “ladies” (again without the ironic porn-star-mustache-ride voice), a “couple of your friends,” etc. I may be pimptastic (not really, such a lie) but I am not your pimp and will not pimp out my friends to your desperate ass.
So what do you do if you have a desperate friend? Let them down lightly, calmly look them in the eye and say, “look, I love you, but you are kind of creeping me out here. You are a drain on my emotions (I am stuck in a glass box of emotion … haha) and I think that the reason why you are so desperate is because you are acting desperate. If you wouldn’t try so hard, things will come.” At least that is what love-sensei JAC would say and BigRed would confirm, or at least that is what they told me the other night. Except for the glass box of emotion, that was my addition.
1. Desperate friends are constantly bemoaning the fact that they don’t get laid. Ok we get it, man it is supply and demand, there is only so much action to be had out there. Truth be told the only people who get some with regular fashion are guys with no scruples or guys in a relationship. That is just the way it is.
2. Desperate friends spend a lot of time blogging. Goddammit….
3. Desperate friends are never called “the chef” … that’s right bitches, take that!
4. Desperate friends make plans all the time, sometimes it is a matter of setting up FaceBook parties where you are the only person RSVPing, or sending out E-mails asking if people would want to be in a Spec Heineken Commercial and they don’t reply … ok that second one isn’t desperate, but the first one is.
5. Desperate friends offer to buy “the ladies” drinks, and when they say “the ladies” they aren’t doing it in an ironic ‘80s porn star fashion.
6. Desperate friends invite you over for baked goods at 2AM in the morning when all you want is a hotdog, curly fries, and a slice of pizza, in that order.
7. Desperate friends ask you to get together “a posse” some “dames” some “chicks” a “couple of birds” some “ladies” (again without the ironic porn-star-mustache-ride voice), a “couple of your friends,” etc. I may be pimptastic (not really, such a lie) but I am not your pimp and will not pimp out my friends to your desperate ass.
So what do you do if you have a desperate friend? Let them down lightly, calmly look them in the eye and say, “look, I love you, but you are kind of creeping me out here. You are a drain on my emotions (I am stuck in a glass box of emotion … haha) and I think that the reason why you are so desperate is because you are acting desperate. If you wouldn’t try so hard, things will come.” At least that is what love-sensei JAC would say and BigRed would confirm, or at least that is what they told me the other night. Except for the glass box of emotion, that was my addition.
posted by Godot at 4:42 PM
1 Comments:
first of all.. "ladies" should never ever be used (whether it's in a porn voice or not) and secondly breakfast/ griddle food should never be as a bargaining chip. to add to this blog desperate men should probably not hit on their local altar boy... just a thought
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